I’m sitting in my living room with the blinds drawn and all the doors in my apartment shut so that no light is emitted. I can hear my husband coming up the stairs but I’m gonna keep typing because I’ve been meaning to post since I got off work five hours ago. I left early if you were wondering. I work in sales on a 1099 contract but I think they’re itching to get rid of me. I’m also a reservist and my military job has been unusually demanding lately. On top of that, my younger sister is graduating high school in three weeks and my husband and I have planned a week-long trip to Florida to celebrate. It stinks that, for so long, I had nothing going on but a wedding to plan and a town to adapt to and, now, everything is happening all at once. That’s not why I’m posting tonight, though. However much I love ranting, I wanted to unload about how I can’t believe it’s midyear already. I have another PT test to stress about, summer clothes to reintroduce myself to, and summer jams to discover.

With that being said, there’s nothing like starting the summer with a good, clean, cleanse. I am not an advocate of vitamin or pill popping but I love the way the Jillian Michaels 14 Day Cleanse jump starts my fitness. I guess the vitamins are like a fiber that’s lighter than a laxative but stronger than a fiber. I’m also test-driving a green tea pill and of course trying to stomach my omega-3 horse pills.

I had to leave work early after my manager proposed a 12-week goal challenge we were going to do as a branch. On the top of my list, below getting through life and above increasing our dual income, is passing my PT test. Now, I love all the skills I’m developing working in sales; it is a lot of praying, persistence, and coincidence but it’s good. However, I couldn’t sit at work for another three hours making the same cold calls I’ve been making all month when I pre-amped myself first thing in the morning for getting into shape. Another second and I would’ve talked myself out of going full throttle toward my fitness goals. It isn’t fair for me to put myself on the back burner to make others comfortable.

My job probably hates me for all of my prior priorities so I’m very thankful I’m on a 1099. The truth is that I have prior priorities! If I don’t pass my PT test, I lose my primary job (a job with job security– as long as I meet their standards– at that). If I lose my primary job, I’m betting all my money on an industry that’s cut-throat. Cut-throat industries aren’t made for the traditional. Sometimes they try to make you feel guilty like the work should be more than “work” to you when they know that that’s what it gets to be. They don’t care that you have a new car to pay off or a budget to theorize for your theoretical future family. I know no one cares about my life that much to beg me to stay at work so they can see me reach my speculative full potential and pay my bills. If they did, they would offer me more than sole commission and then I wouldn’t make anything else more important. That’s called incentive. Unfortunately, though, it’s cut-throat and no one else is motivated by my personal goals– just me.