I am such an editing crazy person. I’ve always believed in the power of putting your work in a vault because the second and third editing process is always stronger than the first. I have stories I’ve written just a few months ago that I say, “Wha?” to. As a result, I’m never satisfied with the stories that are already published. Should I have used that word? Would a subtler term have made me less critical to the entire story? Would a stronger term have given the story a hint of more life? Ugh, I hate it. The truth is that I’m really the only one critiquing my work hence all the critics never reaching out to me (good attention or bad).

I read this article yesterday and went ahead and googled my name with every letter of the alphabet. Now, I’m always googling my name because, since I was way too young, I was breaking down computers and putting them back together again. I remember AOL and MSN and chatrooms. I’ve got a profile for every major site out there, which is something I now regret when I do google my name and there’s a profile attached to a password I no longer remember and an email I no longer have floating around talking about, “My name is Sarah. My life sucks. My parents are divorced and I am emo.”

Nowadays I’m okay with the small creative writing sites I’m a part of. If I have one story shared on every site, I don’t think it hurts me. In fact, I hope it displays my creative ability and serves as a nice surprise (and hopefully opportunity) to the more practical, conservative jobs I strive for. Hopefully, I’ll one day be working conservatively in an office building accepting or denying literary submissions. But I’m only dreaming.

Anyway, I googled my name and the same old came up except, for some reason, I was bothered by the whole alphabet thing. For example, if you google your name and Google finishes it with “total skank,” chances are someone out there thinks you’re total skank. That’s not what mine said, though. Words like “bio” and “group” alarmed me because I associated these keywords with private things employers would probably want to see to get some dirt on me. The intrigue alone shouldn’t be there. So I revisited the same old creative writing sites I’ve been a member of for years and suddenly didn’t like the stories I put up there.

Long story short, I will forever be editing until I receive recognition and glory for my most effortful work (never), let alone when I get to the point in my career where I can literally vomit on a piece of paper and call it art (one day).